i need to get out of the house!

uggghhh....screw bio!!

how am i ever going tp learn ALL of it?!?! there's sooooooooooooooooo much to learn still and I've been studying all weekend...

and it's Mother's Day so I feel like I should go out and do something with my mom, but NO, I have AP Biology. cooooooooooooollllll.

well, i should go get back to that.

let's go shopping over break!

i feel like going shopping.

So, I learned something recently: I smile when I'm nervous...

NCS today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

everyone better be thinking good thoughts!!

we're goin' to hickville...

omg. I love Andy!!! he's amazing, basically (and no, this is not andy spear....but he's cool too). today was horrible, i was feeling like crap and couldn't even make myself get out of bed....but then my mom forced my to go to PT because if i didn't they'd charge us $75 for nothing....so i went and told andy that i was tired and hadn't really eaten all day and didn't go to school...and he was hella understanding and let me do an easy core day. plus, he made me laugh for an hour straight, he kept doing things to make me laugh and cheer me up...he's great. i love him. and now he wants me to see him once a week...usually i hate going to PT, but now it's not as bad...haha. wow.

plus..it's RAINING again!!!! heheheheeh. yayayayyaayyayayay. i went on a looooooooooong walk after PT in the rain. its was so refreshing...but now i realize it probably wasn't the smartest idea...cuz now i'm cold and wet and probably just going to get sicker....greeeaaat.....oh well...it was worth it. i'm in love with the rain. =D

<3

history sucks.




why is there sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much information to know? and sooooooo many primary sources?! 14 fucking sources....how are we supposed to know all of them and be able to identify what source a quote is from???!! aaaarrrrggghhh.


i'm in hate with mr. scott right now cuz you know he's only gonna put lieke 10 fill-in-the-blanks from this gigantic list.....grrr.


and i'm tired. i just wanna sleep. hmphf.


and its STILL NOT RAINING AGIAN!

why is it sooooo hard to wake up?!?! i've been having such a hard time getting up in the morning. Like this morning I was actually gonna get to school on time even though I have first period free but then when my alarm went off I felt like I'd only been asleep for like 30 minutes which pissed me off. soooo....being me, I got mad at my phone (which is my alarm) and threw it across the room. hmmm. I'm smart. actually, my phone is fine...I just don't get why I'd throw it...oh well. I'm off to shower so I'm not late (for a change...) :D

The senoir play was amazing. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time.

It was nice.

I really needed it. I've missed laughing. I'd forgotten how great a really good laugh could make you feel.







well...I'm off to bed. Early, I know. But I need rest. I think that's what I really need. Everything always seems so much harder to deal with when you're going on little or no sleep.....night!

why do I keep pretending that this could happen...?



why do I let myself believe everything they say to me...and not even think twice about it...?




I just need to get myself out of this. I know I do. Why is it so hard then?

I miss not having anything to worry about? why can't I just go back to kindergarten....where the only thing you care about is who your playdate is with...I miss that.

now there's work, and responsibilities, and stress, and so many things to worry about. I need a break. Why is Ski Week sooooo far?! I just need a time to destress and do a lot of thinking and evalutating of random stuff.

oh well. I'm off the study Latin!! oh boy, oh boy. haha.

I cracked.


How can this be so hard? How can someone know jsut the right thing to say to make me cave?!

why is it so hard to forget...?

what kind of person says one thing, then goes and does something that completely contradicts what they just said to you?






none of this is helping my goal to not get sick again hmphf.

Oh no the battle forms inside,
And I speak, but you don't see the signs,
My heart aches, leaving me here to hide,
My world shakes, until you assure me,

Oh no there goes composure,
Over and out to sea,
oh no this won't control me,
But it seems to get the best of me,

The same problem, coming to haunt me again,
And I know it's taken the best of my head,
The same problem tears me to pieces inside,
And I'm left to wonder why...

Oh no I'm crossing my fingers,
In hopes that you will not leave me,
Far away, the silence it burns me,
As I wait, the tension builds,

The same problem, coming to haunt me again,
And I know it's taken the best of my head,
The same problem tears me to pieces inside,
And I'm left to wonder why...

Oh why can't I move forward?
Oh why does my mind wander?
Oh why does my heart desire you?

The same problem, coming to haunt me again,
And I know it's taken the best of my head,
The same problem tears me to pieces inside,
And I'm left to wonder...

The same problem, coming to haunt me again,
And I know it's taken the best of my head,
The same problem tears me to pieces inside,
And I'm left to wonder oh why...

Oh no there goes composure...

again....really...?

two words: last night.......


hehe.



I love my friends. They are brilliant! I love them!

omg! 1 more!

score!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ready for this to be over!!

this break is gonna be hella tight!

boo. I still haven't finished either of my 2 essays to write this weekend and I started at like 5 or 6 o'clock! haha. but that statement isn't really fair cuz for part of the time i had never been kissed playing...and another i was messing with myspace...and another i was messing with this...sooooo...i haven't really spent that much time working...but still!

hmphf.

well...i really should get back to that essay but...ya know...i really don't feel like it...hmmmmm...

well....i guess.....

i guess....i'm going...

fine. fine. fine.

laters!

i don't know what's wrong with me!!!

grrrr.

i can't focus on anything. i can't make myself wake up in the morning. i can't even stay awake once i finally am up.

what's happening?!

it's only the 2nd month of school and i already feel like i've been there forever...i actually think there's something wrong with me. I'm not gettin any less sleep than i have been for the last few years but now i'm always tired. i just slept for about 15 hours striaght and i'm still tired. i tried to get up this morning but couldn't even get myself out of bed. it's not even like i feel sick. i'm just exhausted...my mom wants me to go to the doctor so that i can get blood work done. see if something is actually wrong with me...she thinks it may be mono or maybe i'm anemic...who knows. all i know is that this sucks. i'd much rather be at school right now then sitting on my ass at home.

fuck this. i'm going back to sleep.

omg....GREY'S ANATOMY starts again on Thursday!! i'm soooooooooooooooo ready for this! I watched the season finale from last season today....it was amazing...but realy really really sad...hmmm.

but i'm so jucied for thursday! now only if my cold would go the fuck away so that i don't feel like shit constantly...

oh well...

i'm tired...why is it that i'm always tired now? anyway...i am...so i'm off to go to sleep. (although it's like 6 o'clock...damn i'm getting old. haha